Cloud Mountains Disappointment

I have been struggling the last few days, with the decision I had to make, whether or not I would be able to go to Cloud Mountain this coming weekend to attend a three day silent Buddhist retreat on Metta, lovingkindness. I have been in battle with myself, my mind, my body, since my foot injury, and realized this morning that going would cause more stress, more pain, more challenges, and probably make the healing process that much slower since I am supposed to stay off my foot. There are stairs to climb and uneven terrain at Cloud Mountain plus all the other navigating that I would have to do. I realized I knew my answer. I am so disappointed, angry, feeling sorry for myself and feeling cheated by injury once again. A feeling that I am a witness to life passing me by. When can I move forward with my life, and go down a road without speed bumps? I know I have to learn to accept what is, and stop wasting the anger and stress that are energy suckers. And I do know, that there will inevitably be more speed bumps ahead, regardless of which road I choose to travel down. I know there will be other retreats, and that there has to be a lesson for me to learn here. After all, isn't there always, even if I can't seem to see it through the self inflicted brain fog? So Metta..............lovingkindness..............should I need a retreat to create the opportunity to practice this on myself a little. Let the learning begin I suppose, and not wait for the next retreat. I know my "Wizard of Oz" bible tells me I have everything I need inside me already, but sometimes it feels so unreachable. What stands in the way is me. I know that, but that doesn't seem to make it any easier and I don't know why I stand in my own way. Patience and self care once again present their challenges to me. I guess I haven't "gotten it" yet. Maybe once I get it, the opportunities to practice won't be as pressing, as they will become a part of my daily living. Maybe.......... For now, I do what I can to get through this current challenge the best way I can. This morning I was reading a poem by Octavio Paz called After. It spoke to me about hope and I share it~

After

~ Octavio Paz ~

after chopping off all the arms that reached out to me;

after boarding up all the windows and doors;

after filling all the pits with poisoned water;

after building my house on the rock of no,

inaccessible to flattery and fear;

after cutting off my tongue and eating it;

after hurling handfuls of silence

and monosyllable of scorn at my loves;

after forgetting my name;

and the name of my birthplace;

and the name of my race;

after judging and sentencing myself

to perpetual waiting,

and perpetual loneliness, I heard

against the stones of my dungeon of syllogisms,

the humid, tender, insistent

onset of spring.

....................but still haven't been able

The last two weeks, as I longingly yearn to dance, I have been gifted with the words that my fellow dancers have been dancing by Winky, so I can be moved in my heart, spirit and my words instead of with my outside body. Tuesday night, "G", one of my soul sisters and a dance/life touchstone for me, chose my line for me- ........but still haven't been able, for me to dance in solitude, at home. Surely Mary Oliver wrote the phrase for me. Thank you Georgianna for knowing intuitively and blindly what I needed to dance. I am moved, without movement.

The Teachers

~Mary Oliver~

Owl in the black morning,

mockingbird in the burning

slants of the sunny afternoon

declare so simply

to the world

everything I have tried but still 

haven’t been able

to put into words,

so I do not go

far from that school

with its star-bright

or blue ceiling,

and I listen to those teachers,

and others too --

the wind in the trees

and the water waves --

for they are what lead me

from the dryness of self

where I labor

with the mind-steps of language --

lonely, as we all are

in the singular,

I listen hard

to the exuberances

of the mockingbird and the owl,

the waves and the wind.

And then, like peace after perfect speech,

such stillness.

..................but still haven't been able.............
~ to accept my limitations,
~ to not feel angry at myself for fracturing my metatarsal bone while doing what  I love~~~~~ dance,
~ to deal with the frustrations of yet another limitation,
~ that the injury will prevent me from dancing for 6-8 weeks, 
~ to be at peace with my body where it is at this moment, 
~ to ask for help,
~ to not feel inadequate and dependent,  
~ to be patient,
~ to know this is not permanent,
~ to accept what is and not be looking for reasons & answers,
~ to not be at war within and with my body,
~ to know that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional

to quote Mary Oliver in this poem that once again never fails to speak to me,

   "from the dryness of self

where I labor

with the mind-steps of language --"

The Poem I Must Dance in My Heart Today

The Journey

by Mary Oliver

"One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried

with it's stiff fingers

at the very foundations--

though their melancholy was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice,

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save."

I am angry, I am frustrated, I feel cheated and I struggle with the question "why does everything I do that gives me pleasure, cause me pain?"

Friday night SCORE was amazing. I danced into such a deep place that I wanted to stay there forever. Even during the last 30 minutes, after I intuitively knew that I had broken my toe dancing, I continued on, compelled by something very deep, that kept me from listening to my body, and instead just listen to my soul. Now I am faced with the reality that my middle toe is badly broken at the foot joint, and that I will be on crutches and will probably not be able to dance for 6-8 weeks. At least not be able to "dance" the way I want to define it. Now the challenge is to dance through the "why me, not again" feelings. To learn to dance the "blips in the road" and to accept that when I can return to dance, it will be with baby steps, and sometimes with no steps at all.  Maybe a deep dance that comes from within, that does not have to involve my external body at all. A dance that will involve that deeper soulful body and spirit that has to learn to be free to dance, using this body, at this moment, the only way it can dance. I have to let go of the "I want it to be different" song, and learn to accept what is, right now. It is not a challenge that I welcome or enter into willingly but after all....... this is my dance today. The only one I can do.

Create Plenty fomerly Leave No Plastic Behind

I was delighted to stop by REI the last week in December and see the LNPB quilt displayed in the store! You can grab a bit of a look at it including my piece in the attached pictures. Enjoy!

The Mothertree Project Film

I was delighted to get a first glimpse of Ian Lucero's film documentation of Helen Heiberts "The Mothertree Project" that I had the honor of participating in as a crocheter and in the closing exhibit performance in Portland. It brought back so many wonderful memories for me of the evening back in May of last year. I moved with the others around the Sculpture and crocheted. I also had the honor of both reading other women's words, as well as my own, in a voice over in the film. Ian's film really captured the magical beauty of the event. I spoke words about how the project conjured up many emotions for me. My mother always knitted and crocheted throughout my life offering comfort and warmth to the entire family. The performance followed a particularly difficult visit with her in Florida, as she dealt with health issues. I was also reminded of my childhood in elementary school, going to the New York City local park on May Day, to do our annual Maypole Dance. Then I spoke of my son Adam, who was born on May 1, May Day, 31 years ago, and facing some health and injury challenges as well. I held this all in my heart and spirit as I participated in the Mothertree Project Performance event. I will always cherish this rich opportunity. Please click on the above link to enjoy the glimpse of the lovely film.

...and my look shot upward;

When I entered the dance space last night I was embraced by a deep nurturing hug from Winky and the phrase, "you made it"! Yes I did. Showing up is half of it after all, isn't it?

We began the evening, with a bit of a closed eyed meditation and reflection on which part of our body was calling to us. I knew immediately that it was my sacrum, sore perhaps from beginning yoga class the night before, or calling to me, the sacrum- the sacred.

The word "sacrum", meaning "sacred" in Latin, lives on in English anatomy as the name for the large heavy bone at the base of the spine.

The Romans called the bone the "os sacrum," which literally meant the "holy bone" and the Greeks termed it the "hieron osteon," the same thing, the "holy bone".

We then proceeded, as always, to blindly choose our Mary Oliver line to dance. Mine was, "and my look shot upward" from the ever so poignant poem "Snow Geese". We then reflected on one word that called to us, mine being "upward". We took a moment to connect the focus of our body part and our word. It was clear to me that my dance of the evening and my dance in life is about looking upward and inward for spiritual guidance, to touch the sacred, however that shows up for me, in this time of searching for strength and wisdom to meet the challenges that life is presenting to me. I danced richly as I felt the drum beat of the music resonate deeply within my body.

"Snow Geese"~~ Mary Oliver~~

 

"Oh, to love what is lovely, and will not last!
What a task
to ask
of anything, or anyone,
yet it is ours,
and not by the century or the year, but by the hours.
One fall day I heard
above me, and above the sting of the wind, a sound
I did not know, and my look shot upward; it was
a flock of snow geese, winging it
faster than the ones we usually see,
and, being the color of snow, catching the sun
so they were, in part at least, golden. I
held my breath
as we do
sometimes
to stop time
when something wonderful
has touched us
as with a match,
which is lit, and bright,
but does not hurt
in the common way,
but delightfully,
as if delight
were the most serious thing
you ever felt.
The geese
flew on,
I have never seen them again.
Maybe I will, someday, somewhere.
Maybe I won't.
It doesn't matter.
What matters
is that, when I saw them,
I saw them

as through the veil, secretly, joyfully, clearly"

BEHOLD

Definition of BEHOLD

transitive verb

1

: to perceive through sight or apprehension : see

2

: to gaze upon : observe

intransitive verb

—used in the imperative especially to call attention

— be·hold·er noun

Examples of BEHOLD

1. Those who have beheld the beauty of the desert never forget it.
2. beholds the immense complexity of life on earth>

Synonyms: appreciate, apprehend, assimilate, comprehend, catch, catch on (to), cognize, compass, conceive, cotton (to or on to), decipher, decode, dig, discern, get, grasp, grok, intuit, know, make, make out, perceive, recognize, register, savvy, see, seize, sense, tumble (to), twig, understand

How do I dance, how can I dance, how can I begin to begin again. When you feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you, and that your world, as you have known it has been forever changed? I did not know how to give myself permission to go to dance on Sunday. To have fun? How is that even a possibility?  I went.................It was incredible as I "danced my life" as it was in that moment, in that body, in the now. When we gathered before the dance, Winky presented us with the contemplation of the word "BEHOLD". Wow, how powerful that word resonated for me. She spoke about it in terms of being not a witness who is separate from the other dancers, but being a part of the whole as you notice the others with awareness. A part of, rather than a part from. As I danced my life, the pain, the anger, the fear I was feeling, and emotions that I could not and cannot yet name, I felt filled with a power that I had never experienced.  The emotions raged through every inch of my body as I danced, as though I were a whirling dervish. Dervish is said to literally mean "one who opens the doors". It was so cathartic and I felt alive.  As I danced my emotions, and my emotions danced me, the word BEHOLD kept resonating and transforming. I thought about how if I could just "BE" whether it be present, strong, available, open to receive, listen, help, care for, exist for the sake of existing for oneself or another; that there is a true purpose in this word, this work, "TO BE". By taking better care of myself, the quality of my available to the the others in my life is stronger and richer. By being able to "BE" I felt that I could better "HOLD" my loved ones in times of trouble and in times of joy. To truly be able to be present to whatever comes up in our lives. Last night I returned to dance, although again with a feeling of guilt and my Mary Oliver phrase was "know what matters". Yes! I danced that phrase and held it deep within my being, and contemplate on that now as well. 

I am now trying to reconcile my feelings about this shift in our world, and trying to come to terms with accepting that things are not always the way we wanted them to be, the way we planned and expected them to be. Life unfolds the way it unfolds, and we have to learn to dance that life. So how do I begin to do this? We put one foot in front of the other, we do life as we always have, even though things might now be different. I have to give myself and my loves permission to dance, to cry, to be angry, to be fearful and to laugh. Yes to laugh. So we went to see "The Big Lebowski" on the big screen at the old Clinton Theater and we laughed. We laughed hard. I laughed every time Lebowski said that "the rug tied the room together". And the movie went on even when they pulled the rug out from under him......................

Living The Princess and The Pea

I just finished a mixed media sculptural piece entitled "Living The Princess and The Pea" . It is the culmination of a year of collecting the labels that were sewn into the necklines of clothing when I purchased them or had collected over time. It is always necessary for me to remove the labels before I am able to comfortably wear the clothing because of a hypersensitivity condition that I named The Princess and The Pea Syndrome. Upon further research, I found that I was not alone. The sculpture consists of a "quilt" of sorts, of all the labels I attached by sewing them to two dressmaker's patterns. Once sewn, I then proceeded to dip the two parts of the "blouse" into beeswax and then form them into torso like shapes. They cannot stand alone and need each other for support. Inside the vessel, the void, that the two wax dress quilt pieces create, is a spool of long nails, pointed side up, and resting upon them is one small white down feather. I feel this piece narrates my feeling of having lived with this condition my entire life. There was something very satisfying about completing the long awaited sculpture. Although it soothes my spirit, it unfortunately doesn't assuage my condition. You can read more about what others have written about their experience living The Princess and The Pea below. The images are of the completed sculpture "Living The Princess and The Pea" including a detail image.

I am quoting other women, including myself who suffer with this sometimes debilitating condition. "I  make an effort to make other parts of my life as comfortable as possible, with appropriate clothing, and shoes. When I stand for too long, I have low back pain. In short, I try to do everything I can to enhance my creature comforts in my life, by removing those things which are bothersome. I also have problems with clothing. I don’t think I have a single shirt left that has the manufacturer’s tag still in it. The ones with the pretty metallic designs are especially annoying. I also cut them out of pants, underwear and bras. Thankfully, I don’t own much that does not have easy washing directions. Being around perfume and loud noises are additional irritants to my heightened system. Being around too many people for too long is a drain on my system and usually cause headaches. At the end of the day, I can't wait to remove my underwear and clothing and then am only able to wear a baggy sweatsuit with the shirt tucked smoothly into the pants to keep the elastic off my waist. I was often mocked by my mother for being "too sensitive" and being a pain in the neck to shop with, especially for underwear. If I have a headache earrings have to be very light, and not bounce, or they get left at home. Sometimes even my hair down on my neck is irritating to my skin. Any of this sound familiar? I would imagine it does. We are creatures with hypersensitive nerve endings. Our nervous systems react to many things others are not even aware of. All of this extra irritability adds up to less sleep, and more pain and fatigue. So, how do we deal with the “pea”? I imagine some of the things we need to do are similar, while others will be very individualThe immune system is an integral part of human protection against disease, but the normally protective immune mechanisms can sometimes cause detrimental reactions in the host. Such reactions are known as hypersensitivity reactions, and the study of these is termed immunopathology. Hypersensitivity is a state of altered reactivity in which the body reacts with an exaggerated immune response to a foreign substance
Fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS) is a chronic pain syndrome characterized by central sensitization resulting in hypersensitivity of the skin and deeper tissues as well as fatigue. Possibly the princess in Hans Christian Andersen's 'The Princess and the Pea' suffered from FMS"

As the story goes, making an effort to find a real princess to marry her son, the Prince, the Queen placed a pea on the bed, and covered it with 20 mattresses and 20 feather beds. When the young lady awoke the next morning, she said she had hardly slept at all because of a bump in the bed. The queen said "nobody but a real princess would have such delicate skin."

Rich Sunday

After feeling under the weather all week, I knew what I needed most, but almost couldn't muster the strength. To go and do what I knew deep within, would lift me to the level that I desperately needed. To allow myself to pull myself out of my funk. I arrived at dance a few minutes early, and had a chance to settle in, to be witness to the other beautiful bodies of the early dance session, moving in and through the space, fully present to their bodies, that moment in time and space. The room began to clear and open for those of us who would dance the second session. I was reminded by J'aime, before I went in, that movement is tied to our lymphatic system and our bodies need to move to heal. I knew I was right in pushing myself to show up. We joined in our opening circle and Winky shared some wonderful visual words that touched me deeply and I began to melt further into myself. She told a bit about the documentary on Annie Leibovitz as she was talking with Mikail Baryshnikov about photographing dance.  Leibovitz had come to the conclusion that it was impossible to photograph dance, because "dance is art in air". Wow, need I say more???????
In the evening I had the wonderful opportunity to go to my friend Danelle's house for a meditation sit. I have been wanting to jump start my practice for quite a while now and have felt paralyzed. This was a wonderful opportunity to make room for the quiet, the space between; whether it is space between the words, the thoughts, the breaths or the movements I danced earlier.
I feel so grateful for my community of seekers on the same path.

Best Donate a Dinner Ever!

Thanks to you, we will be able to feed more seniors than ever this winter.  We introduced hundreds of people to Loaves  and  Fishes Centers, and  raise more than $200,000!

If you didn't get a chance, it's not too late to donate a meal. Thank you for helping us reach our goal.

Incredible M.O.M. follow up!

What an incredible experience and amazing privilege it was to participate the first West Coast Mission of Mercy event at the Convention Center. We as professional Dentists, support staff and volunteers from the community helped to provided 7,844 procedures valuing $829,119 to 1,554 patients in the two days. The Oregon Dental Association worked tirelessly to organize this event that would effect so many lives, more than could have been imagined. It was an experience that I have been having trouble putting words to, but one week later I have to try to express some of what this entire experience meant to me. 

As I rolled out of bed at 4:30 am I complained that I was "cold" because the heat had yet to kick on, since we normally don't rise that early. I was "tired". It was too early to eat, but I was "hungry". As we drove up to the Convention Center at 5 am I was stunned to see people already lined up around the large complex. Some, we were told, had been there since the night before in sub-freezing, raining conditions, and most arriving at 4 am with the hopes of having their dental pain and problems relieved. There was no guarantee that they would all be seen that day, but hopes were high. At that moment I realized a new meaning to the words "cold" ,"tired" and "hungry". 

 As I sat at the table welcoming in the prospective patients, and giving them their name tags, I was overwhelmed with emotion and totally humbled by the experience. Each and every cold, wet, tired person that stepped into the building,sighed with relief, knowing they had finally made it into the warmth of the convention center. They knew that they would be treated that day, was grateful, gracious and cheerful. They blessed us and praised us  for the time we were giving them to provide the much needed dental work. Some of the patients had lost healthcare and jobs due to the tough economic status of our state. Some where living out on the street. Some were struggling with drugs and alcohol. Many had small children and babies in their arms, having been waiting for hours in the cold. 

What a reality check for my own life and comforts! I do try to live each day honoring my blessings and feeling grateful for my truly wonderful and full life, but this day took me to a new level of appreciation and gratefulness. I know that even with my intent to live a grateful authentic life, things do slip by me in the day to day rushing, that I might not notice and be fully grateful for. What a gift and lesson I learned from the people who came into the Convention Center. There were thousands of people in line and we were only able to let under one thousand in the first day 12 hour day. Some people that were not able to be seen on Monday, remained on to wait in line, sleeping out, with the hopes of being seen on Tuesday, even though the temperatures were falling to record lows with freezing rain and snow. 

Some of the media chose to focus on the fact that not everyone in line was treated, or that standing out in the cold is akin to the pain of dentistry. I tried to see beyond that ignorant attitude and did go as far as to write a letter to the editor of the Oregonian, addressing that form of "journalism". Most of the coverage of the event was very positive.

I know we can all learn something from the attitudes of the clients that showed up for MOM. In the afternoon, I escorted patients to continue with their treatment or those who were already done for the day. Some patients where happy to have teeth extracted to relieve their pain, some had their long neglected teeth filled and others left happily with new teeth where no teeth had remained and left with smiles on their faces for the first time. They wrote comments on cards that were posted in the break room throughout the day. One women wrote, that she had been a victim of domestic violence and as a result had her teeth knocked out, and that now she could finally smile with her new teeth. The day was filled with tears of joy and sorrow for many of us. Everyone was treated with respect and everyone left with a feeling of pride. Some people now being able to eat with a comfort that they had never known.

I was filled with pride for my husband Michael and his trusty assistant Alvina providing 12 hours of dental care with barely a break, who are seen in this great picture taken during the day~~

I was also so proud to have been a part of such an amazingly important event. Next year we will work both 5am-6pm days. We went home this time after working just the Monday double shift, feeling incredibly exhausted but pumped with so much adrenaline, so many personal stories to share with each other as we had a wonderful, grateful, warm dinner together. The food tasted so much richer to us because our day's experience. We were filled with such a sense of satisfaction, accomplishment and gratefulness, and such an array of emotions that I am still trying to process.I don't know of anyone on either the giving or receiving end of this event, that was not deeply effected. I for one, have been touched and changed forever having had the honor of working at M.O.M. What a Thanksgiving gift I have been able to receive through M.O.M.

Donate Dinner- Help feed seniors this Thanksgiving! It's not too late

Got two hours?Greet customers and hand out Donate Dinner cards... it's as easy as that! Why? YOUR participation will raise crucial funds to feed the increasing number of local seniors in need of a hot nutritional meal. When? The 5 days before Thanksgiving, Nov. 20 - 24, 2010. Where? At 28 local grocery stores. We still need volunteers at all of our locations, however the stores listed below have the greatest need. Please click on a store if you would like to volunteer.  Bales Thriftway on Farmington Lamb's Thriftway on Scholls Haggen - Murray Hill Whole Foods - Fremont New Seasons Market - Orenco Station Market of Choice To view a list of all participating stores, click here.
For more information, visit the Donate Dinner website at www.donatedinner.org

~~~and not for the sake of winning but for sheer delight and gratitude....

Last nights dance was incredibly and especially rich for me. We began with our blindly chosen line from Mary Oliver's poem "Invitation" for inspiration. I just loved the line that chose me

........."and not for the sake of winning
but for sheer delight and gratitude"

The line conjured in my mind the idea that I don't have to always have the answers and explanations for everything. I don't have to always struggle to "figure it out". That sometimes there are no explanations. Things just are what they are. The beauty is in the process of life, just because........... It also made me think of my recent submission to the Portland Building for the installation "Waiting". I am making it for the sake of sheer delight and gratitude. That is enough. Whether it is chosen and seen by the public would be an added honor but I am satisfied with the process of creating it for the sake of itself. I am grateful................

Invitation~~ Mary Oliver

"Oh do you have time
to linger
for just a little while
out of your busy

and very important day
for the goldfinches
that have gathered
in a field of thistles

for a musical battle,
to see who can sing
the highest note,
or the lowest,

or the most expressive of mirth,
or the most tender?
Their strong, blunt beaks
drink the air

as they strive
melodiously
not for your sake
and not for mine

and not for the sake of winning
but for sheer delight and gratitude—
believe us, they say,
it is a serious thing

just to be alive
on this fresh morning
in this broken world.
I beg of you,

do not walk by
without pausing
to attend to this
rather ridiculous performance.

It could mean something.
It could mean everything.
It could be what Rilke meant, when he wrote:
You must change your life."

We ended dancing to the incredible song by Tina Turner called "Beyond". I had never heard it before. Its words are so amazing. It is part chant, part spiritual, part Buddhist prayer, and the words deeply touched my soul. If you have a chance to listen to this 7 minute jewel of a recording, you will be enriched beyond words. She fills you with a spiritual energy that is palpable. I can't find the lyrics written anywhere, but maybe this is for the best. It has to be listened to in order to fully experience the power and beauty of her most recent collaboration. 

S.M.A.R.T.

This morning was another delightful time at Cesar Chavez Elementary School reading with second graders, as part of S.M.A.R.T., or Start Making A Reader Today. Willante was out today but I had fun reading  with Alex for the first time, and reading with my regular student Soloria. These kids are so enthusiastic about reading, especially on the book give-away days, when they get to increase their personal home library, courtesy of Scholastic Books. It excites me and gives me hope for our future readers and the power of knowledge made fun! I am so happy to be a part of this great program!

Returning Home, Settling into the Autumn, My Rich Life Overflowing with Abundance!

It seems like such an eternity since last I wrote. Being away from home traveling, as wonderful as a trip can be,makes for it hard for me to not be home; in my home in Portland and settled into my home in my body. I am settling in now to the growing darkness and rain, the comforting yin feeling of Autumn, my favorite season. 
I have been savoring the past weeks dance, with my dance family, to Mary Oliver's Wild Geese again, a perfect poem for the season. It resonates so deeply for me in the depths of my soul.

"You do not have to be good. 
You do not have to walk on your knees 
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. 
You only have to let the soft animal of your body 
love what it loves. 
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. 
Meanwhile the world goes on. 
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain 
are moving across the landscapes, 
over the prairies and the deep trees, 
the mountains and the rivers. 
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, 
are heading home again. 
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, 
the world offers itself to your imagination, 
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place 
in the family of things."

I have also been frantically working to meet some deadlines. I am so proud that I got my proposal submitted to RACC for the Portland Building Installation space for 2011 on time. I have the hopes of installing my ongoing piece "Waiting". I continue to work on it and the idea continues to evolve for me as I grow to understand it even more. To date, I have 79 chairs and will be making 29 more to reach my intended goal of 108 chairs. I will also create other pieces to be a part of this site specific, interactive space. I remain hopeful, yet I am determined to not let the acceptance of this piece by the committee, be the determining factor of its inherent worth. I am, afterall, creating it for me. Having the privilege of sharing it with others would be an added benefit and bring in other peoples experiences and energy. Now I continue to wait.................

In addition, I finished the 6 x 6 piece that I have donated for the auction to benefit the Audubon Society's Wild Art's Festival 2010 that will be held the weekend of Nov 20.

Yesterday was a wonderful art play date with my fellow creative spirit Eddy. We scavanged some of Portland's haunts and then made it over to The Community Warehouse, where we chose our pieces that we will transform for this year's Chair Affair.(Did I actually bring home THREE chairs this time??!) I cannot believe another year has past and that it is that time again. (Before, during and after pictures will be posted in the upcoming months). I am excited about the event again, and plan to be a part of the planning of it as well. 

Next weekend I will volunteer with Michael at M.O.M., Missions of Mercy.

I will help with the Oregon State Dental Society to provide $1 million worth of free dental care to 1,500 to 2,000 people in just two days! 

The following weekend I will once again work with Loaves and Fishes The Meals on Wheels people, Donate a Dinner , to try to raise money to provide meals to home bound seniors during the holidays.

Now begins the wonderful planning stages leading up to my favorite time of the year,Thanksgiving. I have so much to be grateful for as always. I am expecially grateful that this year I will be able to chop and cook in the kitchen along side my favorite culinary student and master chef in the Grishman kitchen, Jenni,  since my wrist surgery in February was successful and I have my life back!!

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words!

Aloha from Kauai, paradise, the most beautiful spiritual place I can imagine and how overjoyed and blessed I am to be spending my birthday here and have a rainbow come out to help me celebrate! Life is good!

...to be understood, to be more than pure light..................

There was only one night to dance between travels 

 although feeling exhausted

the dance called to me

 I write now, even more exhausted

yet the dance last night was rich 

 necessary.

To dance my emotions 

 the best way to move through my life.

Learning how to be present to something 

to someone that hurts.

To be able to stop questioning why

someone would want to hurt you

Love should not hurt. 

Learning to lean into

 when being pushed away.

To let pain pass through 

without it taking up residence in your being

To allow the hurt and the memories to melt away 

 To not let them be absorbed into your soul.

Letting go of expectations, needs, longings. 

To remain pure.

To be understood.

To be more than pure light.

......Scars remind us where we have been,

they don't have to dictate where we are going.......

POEM

"The spirit
  likes to dress up like this:
    ten fingers, 
      ten toes,

shoulders, and all the rest
  at night
    in the black branches,
      in the morning

in the blue branches
  of the world.
    It could float, of course,
      but would rather

plumb rough matter.
  Airy and shapeless thing,
    it needs 
      the metaphor of the body,

lime and appetite,
  the oceanic fluids;
    it needs the body's world,
      instinct

and imagination
  and the dark hug of time,
    sweetness
      and tangibility,

to be understood,
  to be more than pure light
    that burns
      where no one is --

so it enters us --
  in the morning
    shines from brute comfort
      like a stitch of lightning;

and at night
  lights up the deep and wondrous
    drownings of the body
      like a star."

by Mary Oliver, from Dream Work

Art In The Pearl 2010

Thankfully, the weather predictors were once again wrong and instead of the forecasted rain for the Labor Day weekend, it was incredibly beautiful, cool sunny and a perfect day to browse and see art in the Park Blocks! The crowds were large and there was a great energy to the weekend. I was delighted to be able to show one pedestal sculpture as well as 3 wall hanging pieces at the Pacific NW Sculptors booth. I also met lots of wonderfully talented fellow members as well as many very enthusiastic browsers at our booth. The pedestal sculpture entitled "Finding Balance In My World" was especially well received. I am aiming to try to make it to some meetings this year and get to know some of the other artist in our group. It is such a talented and diverse group of artists and I look forward to getting more involved in the future.