The Solstice and my Personal Winter

This weekend was filled with many wonderful openings. Now that I have seen them, I can begin to realize I have the choice to enter into these openings. Jumping back a bit to last Friday Dance Playground, there was a shift. During the pairings and changings between our six dancers, I felt a new opening into trust and safety and fun while in dance and relationship with "the other". I was able to let go and enjoy without all the work that fear brings with it. A breakthrough for me in the dance, the movement, the relationship, the dance..........fast forward to this friday and the 3 hour Reflective Dance Practice.

The very sweet small intimate group of the four of us was beautiful.Dancing in silence, how aware I became of the music of each others breathing, footsteps, clock ticking, bodies moving through the space followed by the quiet sitting meditations that came between the steps. Jen gave me the "permission" in her suggestion of the time of the season and I realized that right now I am in my own "Personal Winter". I am going to try to embrace that now.That quiet time of inward darkness that makes way for spring light. Like a bulb planted, I need the quiet slowness to heal both my hand and my spirit with the hopes that there will be a renewed blossoming of my hand that will be healing after the surgery, but making room now for the gathering of the creativity during this time of darkness that will also blossom anew in the Spring. I brought one of my old sculptures that felt dead to me right now and created an alter of sorts for it before I danced not so much to breathe life back into it, but to honor that for roght now, it too is in its dormant personal winter that needs to rest with my other sculptures until the time is right to re emerge. Time..........Patience...........Quiet..............Darkness.

Now to Sunday morning dance. For the first time I gave myself permission to dance as part of the whole rather that on the outside looking in. In the past, I actually placed myself on the outside of the circle not really looking into the circle and the other dancers, as much as looking into myself or sheilding myself from the other dancers by always gazing inwardly. I opened my eyes, I moved through the space, through the other bodies! Winky gave permission to dance with "the other"even if there is no physical contact, that you can dance with each other by merely being aware of the space you are both inhabiting at that moment. I found a way to take care of my body and myself in the mass of moving bodies. The energy that I allowed myself to fill up with from the others was amazing, and I acknowledge that I too must be contributing to filling others as well. I felt so free and alive and truly a part of the community. I do give myself permission to still step outside the group dance and into the private quiet dance of the self whenever I need to, but that will be out of choice rather than out of fear. Yet another breakthrough for me!

The weekend was also filled with wonderful jazz/funk music shared with Michael on Saturday night and then rounded out with an amazing performance of the Aurora Chorus joined by the fantastic Jamie Seiber on Sunday. The voices of the 100 woman singing about peace in many languages was so inspiring and uplifting. It truly filled my soul to hear the 100 voices sound like one voice and the ethereal electric cello added just the perfect touch.

The finale of the weekend was to meet and celebrate the Solstice and holiday season with my Art Circle for dinner. Wonderful friends and rich time.

Now, today marks the Solstice and I plan to try to create some enriching rituals for myself that will not only celebrate the Solstice but honor my own Personal Winter.

Honor your own complexity.

Mark Gerzon
Coming Into Our Own