Friday, January 28, 2011

....................but still haven't been able

The last two weeks, as I longingly yearn to dance, I have been gifted with the words that my fellow dancers have been dancing by Winky, so I can be moved in my heart, spirit and my words instead of with my outside body. Tuesday night, "G", one of my soul sisters and a dance/life touchstone for me, chose my line for me- ........but still haven't been able, for me to dance in solitude, at home. Surely Mary Oliver wrote the phrase for me. Thank you Georgianna for knowing intuitively and blindly what I needed to dance. I am moved, without movement.

The Teachers

~Mary Oliver~
Owl in the black morning,
mockingbird in the burning
slants of the sunny afternoon
declare so simply
to the world
everything I have tried but still 
haven’t been able
to put into words,
so I do not go
far from that school
with its star-bright
or blue ceiling,
and I listen to those teachers,
and others too --
the wind in the trees
and the water waves --
for they are what lead me
from the dryness of self
where I labor
with the mind-steps of language --
lonely, as we all are
in the singular,
I listen hard
to the exuberances
of the mockingbird and the owl,
the waves and the wind.
And then, like peace after perfect speech,
such stillness.

..................but still haven't been able.............
~ to accept my limitations,
~ to not feel angry at myself for fracturing my metatarsal bone while doing what  I love~~~~~ dance,
~ to deal with the frustrations of yet another limitation,
~ that the injury will prevent me from dancing for 6-8 weeks, 
~ to be at peace with my body where it is at this moment, 
~ to ask for help,
~ to not feel inadequate and dependent,  
~ to be patient,
~ to know this is not permanent,
~ to accept what is and not be looking for reasons & answers,
~ to not be at war within and with my body,
~ to know that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional

to quote Mary Oliver in this poem that once again never fails to speak to me,

   "from the dryness of self
where I labor
with the mind-steps of language --"

No comments: