Little Worlds

So a few months ago my project Little Worlds began......

The collecting over time and the assembling began. I entered into my Little Worlds.....

Fifteen pieces later, I readied to install them at OmBase Yoga Studio. There were challenges to be met, and I was not sure how it would look but it all eventually came together after much tweaking......

“Little Worlds” 

This current series is titled “Little Worlds”. As a child I found solace, creating imaginary worlds, playing under a baby grand piano in our apartment in NYC. I called that place, “my own little world”.

I am a collector. I find comfort in collecting found objects and inspirational finds from the natural world. Where others see debris, I see potential. 

These boxes are worlds unto themselves. The elements are what give voice to my stories. They speak to me about the smallness of our existence in the scope of the world and the largeness of our impact on nature. We are lilliputians in a vast world. 

Through creating these boxes, I collaborate and pay homage, in my own way, to nature from which I derive pleasure and inspiration. In creating “Little worlds”, I lose myself not knowing what they will evolve into, and ironically through this journey, I somehow begin to find myself. I hope you take time to enter and enjoy a glimpse into these worlds I have co-created.

"When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe." 

~John Muir~

I will be donating the proceeds from the sale of each of my assemblages in my exhibit at OmBase, “Little Worlds” to The Shoe That Grows. 

I hope people will enjoy entering my Little Worlds and  join me in coming together to raise money for The Shoe That Grows,  part of the non-profit Because International.  Each sale will provide 5 pairs of shoes for children in need. Please consider supporting me for the children. I have already raised almost $800 in less than a month for The Shoe That Grows and look forward to making this project grow even more.

Detritus- Exhibit at Basic Space

This is one of my sculptures, "Veil of Indifference" that will be a part of Detritus, an exhibit at Basic Space during the month of July with Christopher Roberts and Kenneth Saylor. 

Detritus. The stuff we accumulate, that erodes, the pieces that are left when things break apart, the fragments that we leave behind. Sounds like the process of life happening. When we had first discussed this word, we had accepted that this word is a part of everything’s ‘life’ and is all around us. This word can encompass a wide array of occurrences, whether being in nature, medicine, the universe, and to our relationships. When people see something destroyed, we tend to perceive that as negative and as a loss, however this is not always the case. We accumulate relationships, experiences, and memories, be they supportive or destructive. Often times, we don’t see a choice in the matter. We move through our lives and are touched in some way by every experience, object and person we encounter. Each leaving their mark engraved on us. They can never be removed, only buried beneath the surface, but their ghost of memory always remains. Relationships and objects are not things that last forever, they erode like the world itself. What we choose to leave behind or to discard is just as important as the things we cherish and hold on to. With this show, we are attempting to highlight the relationship aspect within the spectrum of the definition of detritus. Our interpretations, our experiences, our encounters and how those have been a part of our lives and what mark it has left upon us. We offer up to you, the opportunity to explore the marks that have been engraved in your life, and what you chose to expose or to bury.

• Opening Reception First Thursday
  

  July 2 at 6:00pm - 9:00pm

• Basic Space Gallery 625 NW Everett St #111, Portland, Oregon 97209

Mazu- Water Goddess- Dragon Boat Show

I was delighted to be invited by Alea Bone, to participate in The Dragon Boat Show, in conjunction with the Portland Rose Festival and The Dragon Boat Races. I thoroughly enjoyed creating my piece Maza- Water Goddess and thrilled that she has found a new home!

Morning Glory

Well today was pretty profound and I want to share the story I will call Morning Glory. The other day I was gifted with morning glory seeds by my cherished friend, Fred Swan, and they started to sprout this morning! Glorious way to begin the day.

Having breakfast on the deck I had an encounter unlike one I have ever had before with a hummingbird. He hovered in front of me, after sipping the nectar I had set out. He looked in my eyes and then began to move closer, hover again, move closer, hover etc. He was staring me in the eye, and really connecting with me. It was surreal and a bit frightening for some reason. I love hummingbirds, yet I have never had an encounter such as this. What a gift.

 We have been dancing and discussing hummingbirds at Tuesday dance. Are the hummingbirds aware that they are moving fast like us when we are rushing around, or is that their normal speed? I have been pondering this since Tuesday, considering how to be more conscious of my movement and priorities. Do I have to rush or can I move through the day and savor each special , one of a kind moment?

It was such a moving encounter. I felt like it was a moment that is rare, that I could have missed by moving, but I allowed it, I noticed it, we connected. It made me think about how often we move so quickly through our day that we miss these precious gifts. In stillness, I received the gift of connection with this hummingbird.

I proceeded to work on two bees wax scrolls and then was surprised by a visiting bee that landed on my hot plate of bees wax. I had also bought a hummingbird stamp to incorporate into my scroll in the future, but today seemed like a fitting tribute.

The day progressed and I took a lunch break. As I sat on the deck, I heard a small crash and look to see what might have fallen. There on the deck, laying on the grill cover, was a hummingbird, who had apparently flown into the window. It still had an insect clutched in it’s beak, but it’s death was immediate. I was devastate to see him lying with his eyes open, stunned. I watched and waited, hoping that he might have just been stunned, but hours later he still remained, unmoved. 

My sadness was and is beyond deeply aching. I know it is the cycle of life, but this knowledge offers no solace. We never know when our moment will come, that moment life ends abruptly. I cherished the time I had this morning connecting with a hummingbird (probably not the same one but I will never know). What was the lesson that I needed to learn? We must cherish these small yet huge gifts, these moments of connection, be they with humans or animals. Never take these moments for granted, as they may be our last.

I now have the hummingbird protected in a box. I will bury him tomorrow, in a special spot I can look upon, and on top of it I will plant my Morning Glory seeds. As I watch them grow, I will cherish those moments that come when you least expect them. I will honor those gifts and consider myself blessed for having given them.

Answering Fred Swan's call 2nd Tuesday- "Sinking Inward"

The Clarity of Water

BY FRIENDS OF 2ND TUESDAY · JUNE 9, 2015

“What is your most vivid memory of living by water, being on the water or creating art work about water?”

Jo Grishman, Artist

Sinking inward I look outward and see a turbulent world. I look inward and see a mental tempest. Ironically when I step into water, step into mother, the dust settles, and the seeming distortion of myself that I see, turns to a quiet clarity. I focus and I know I am home.

The Shoes That Grow

I am currently feeling quite passionate about an organization I came across called Shoes That Grow.

https://theshoethatgrows.org/

Over 2 billion people in the world suffer from soil-transmitted parasites and diseases.  The Shoe That Grows is a better solution to help children protect their feet than just regular shoes, shoes that don’t fit, or no shoes at all.  The Shoe That Grows adjusts five sizes and last five years – providing better protection and better health for children.

 The Shoe That Grows is a patented design by Kenton Lee, of an innovative shoe that adjusts and expands.  It was developed in part by a shoe development company in the Northwest called Proof of Concept. 
The shoe comes in two sizes: Small and Large.  Each size grows 5 sizes and lasts at least 5 years. 
Small = Grows 5 sizes – From Kindergarten to 4th Grade 
Large = Grows 5 sizes – From 5th Grade to 9th Grade.  
The Shoe is made with simple materials – leather, compressed rubber, and snaps.  No mechanical parts of gears to break.  Easy to clean.  Easy to use. 

I have organized a fundraiser through GOFUNDME with the goal of raising $1500 enabling me to have a shipment of 100 pairs of shoes sent to a country with children in need. The cost of one pair of shoes is a mere $15 and can have such a huge impact on the health, growth, education, and quality of life of a child. 

I am hoping that others will join me by donating, and also by spreading the word about Shoes That Grow and together we can make something great happen.

http://www.gofundme.com/w6puj78

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love."

― Mother Teresa

Eagle Creek

Eagle Creek

I began with frustration at a dead camera battery

How could I "capture" the hike without it

I had no choice but to experience it 

as Annie Dillard would

with the "photographic precision

of her own silver-lined gut"

As I enter a new place with fear of the unknown

I am astounded by the beauty of varied greens

I couldn't imagine existed

The sounds of flowing creek and waterfalls

are magnificently deafening

The arms of the tree giants

reach out with dangling moss fingertips

They beckon to caress, hold and protect me

The trail walls weep with the joy of its own beauty

I feel cleansed by the shower mother nature provides

from it's melting winter glory

The falls feel like they want to both 

consume and cradle me

I try to listen to the pace of place

I don't want to leave

I long to return again soon

I will.....

Season's End

Another birthday has come and gone

the morning silence is deafening

a woodpecker breaks the silence

he sounds like a metronome 

readying for an allegro concertino

the crows join in the symphony and cackle 

as they proudly display the bread they have gathered from a neighbor's roof

the mist gently kisses the morning lake as it slowly awakens
it feels like a long awaited ghost town
I welcome the quiet solitude
I am filled with a sense of such peacefulness
The silhouette of the mountains awaiting
the soon to come blanketing of winter snow
boats covered and tucked in for the winter
floats and inner tubes deflated like many summer dreams
I glide across the lake alone in my white kayak
alongside a lone white duck
envying his effortlessness
I follow what seems to be a trail of feathers floating
realizing that they are the first autumn leaves taking their maiden voyages
I feel the warmth of the late afternoon sun caress my closed eyes
I feel the cooling trickles of water as they fall from my paddle onto my legs
The droplets magnify the sunlight
before slowly disappearing as they soak into my pants
The mirror like reflection of trees seems undisturbable
As I bank my boat I wonder
will this be my last lake journey of the season?

Like

Time and Change and Staying Still and Listening

This weekend the eagles have been boldly swooping down over the newly stocked lake to get their catch of the day. I have never seen eagles so close to me before. It is exhilarating! They seem fearless and courageous, unstoppable. It makes me think about the wonderful Finola, former guide dog trainee black lab, our family's pride and joy. She is still battling her body and wagging through it all. She still has lots of love left in her waiting to be shared, so I know she will beat this most recent health obstacle in classic Finny style!

I have also been thinking about creating the next in my series of sculptures. The creating helps me process all that life seems to throw, and gives me a vehicle to flow through. In the act of creating, I am constantly learning about my life and life itself, the things you can count on, the things that really matter and the fine line between knowing what we want and what we need. 

I have already completed "Letting Go of Holding On". Yesterday I finished sculpting "Tunnel Vision". The previous one I completed in the series, is called "Hope Is A Thing With Feathers". The next one I am anxious to begin sculpting is entitled "Veil of Indifference". What comes next is a mystery to me...

As synchronicity would have it, I fell in love with a fiber wall piece called "Reflection & Refraction" at Om Base Yoga, and couldn't stop thinking about it. I knew she had to come home with me!

When I met the artist Vicki Mcardle, who to my surprise works at my yoga studio, we connected instantly in spirit, vision and process. I look so forward to getting to know her better. She is also the perfect fit to be my guest artist, to share the gallery with me for my next exhibit (yes I am already working toward that!) next February. I love when things align and you have your eyes open and seize the moment, recognizing that this is fate speaking.

Right now feels like such a time of change, a state of flux, more turbulent than most. I was discussing this with a fellow yoga practicer Friday, about how there is such a shift in things, both good and bad and in between, at this tumultuous time. Still, I am trying to stay still and listen within. The sun is out one moment, and the rains pour down the next, as if the skies have opened up, to wake us up. There have been many more earthquakes, and things seem to be shifting all around us. Sometimes we feel like we are moving forward, sometimes moving backward, sometimes walking in place and sometimes falling through the cracks.

I am trying to stand strong, rooted, filled with trust and faith that things will soon quiet and settle, until the next shift is upon us. Right now it is pouring outside. It calls for me to stay inside, not only in the house but inside myself, my personal house. It feels yin, quiet, inward today, and I am compelled to read, reflect and be. To refill refuel myself to begin the next sculpture. To allow what is, be. To not put the effort into fighting the flow to make it any different. I am tired of "playing salmon" and swimming upstream, fighting the unstoppable current. Today I choose to float down the river without effort. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could heed that inner calling every day? But wait.....I can! I can make that choice.

The Gift of Vision

Waking up slowly to the clear sky, the smell of coffee brewed a few hours ago as the fisherman left to find the catch of the day, I step out onto the deck, hooded and fleeced, looking at the ripples in the lake, wondering how much of the rippling is due to my vision. The fear still lingers, although I am beginning to see clearer but not much more so than before the surgery. Not a distorted but quite blurry none the less. I swat at the floaters, unable to distinguish between them and an insect flying by. I plant some herbs, clean my studio after a day of sculpting yesterday. 
It was a challenging day of sculpting. What began as an introspective sculpture about the process I am going through from the eye surgery when I began this second in the series, this time brought up a lot of rage and drained me quite a bit. The first one I created before the surgery came out very differently than I initially envisioned. I became more about hopefulness than fear. I think it will be entitled Hope Is A Thing With Feathers, an ode to Emily Dickenson. The next sculpture I will create will be called Veil of Indifference. This current one I am making though,  deals with another type of vision, the vision of not feeling "seen" and questioning the way I see others and my relationships. I struggled with it, liking it, hating it, picking at it, trying to make it perfect and then surrendering to it not being meant to be perfect. It is meant to be distorted, painful, misshapen, not what I thought it would be. I allow the "non-beauty" of what wants to come out in it emerge and let it become what it needs to become. I have left it moist and covered, and will see how she speaks to me when I return to it next. It has spent me.

I set out in my kayak, onto the quiet lake that seems to be all my own. There is the sound of the occasional mower or the sound of chatting being carrying across the lake, but the lake is all mine. After a brief while of paddling, I paddle with my eyes closed, feeling the breeze, hearing the splashing, just wondering what it feels like to "see" the lake, feel the lake, with eyes closed. I wonder if I can "feel" myself paddling straight on course without the vision that my eyes give me, but instead the vision of intuition. We take so much for granted with our vision. 

After coming back to the dock, I  climb onto the hammock anxious to read the yet to be released copy of "Parentheses". It has been so long since I read a "book" and not my Kindle with the enlarged print, and high contrast of black on white. I have a magnifying strip that I try to read through, but although it enlarges the print, it distorts it, something that is all too familiar and quite unwelcome. As I read, two deer come meandering by, I pause, I watch. I savor their gentle peacefulness.

 I move onto the the dock to soak up the sun as I continue to read. More floaters appear in my eye and I feel the strain as I look out over the water, but I cannot stop reading. I am pulled into this world of life, death, birth, a ride that I cannot get off of, and don't want to leave. I am compelled beyond what I have ever experienced. There is so much that feels familiar, so much that is revealed, so many emotions that lie beneath Fred's surface, that created a buoyancy for my own emotions. I must stop, digest, try to see more clearly, both through my thoughts and my eyes. There is an increased cloudiness when I look up over the water. I told myself I would read in short spurts, as my eyes adjusted and healed, but I cannot seem to stop. 

So I stop to write, hoping that this process brings me more clarity. Writing in the sunlight makes it difficult for me to see the contrast on the keyboard, so I touch type, I will correct it later. Instead I am allowing myself to "feel" the words and emotions that this time of reading the first 80 pages evoked in me. I was told by another woman who has already had the gift of reading the book, that her life has been forever changed. I can see why. I welcome the journey into the remaining 300 pages as I learn more about Fred and in doing so learn more about myself. Quite a timely gift has been bestowed upon be. I will savor it. My eyes are telling me it is time to rest and digest, and I will listen to them and listen inward. A new vision.

Delphinium and Hope

I want to share these words of inspiration that a very wise person who is in my life shared with me to help me get through this ordeal. I feel quite blessed and wanted the power of his words to be put out into the universe. 

 "Ever since I was a little kid I have imagined gardens, places I could plant some tiny seed or bulb or root that would at some future date bring me great happiness in what ever spectacle they would become.  This started when I was 8 and my mother brought me across country on a bus and we moved for a while to what I thought was the most terrible looking of houses, it was a tiny house that had been converted from a chicken house.  A woman told me, as we moved into it one night that I was lucky because on Monday the school bus would stop right at the front door to pick me up....horrible thought of waiting for a bus and having a load of kids from a new school who all knew each other looking at me and then at this terrible shack that I lived in with no plants around it and junk all about.   

On Saturday I walked to a farm store and I saw a seed display and on one packet were tall stalks of blue delphinums.  I bought the pack of seeds and once home immediately planted them all around the front porch: the ground was hard, covered with fir needles, and shaded by evergreens.  Monday came, and the flowers of course did not, but I looked every day for weeks, looking hard and close for the seedlings which I was to learn had decided to grow elsewhere in a more needy spot.. Didn't know that at the time and never gave up on those seedlings and years after, when I had a car of my own I would drive past that shack and expect to see tall stalks of blue delphiniums.

  Moved away to other states, moved back, became older and over the years have driven back past the house (which was turned back into a livestock feeding shelter).  The delphinium garden over the years has become magnificent in my mind, I see them when I shut my eyes in tough times, at moments when I am afraid of being judged by others or when I have to face the unknown.  I see them when I am afraid and anxious and they remind me of the potential of the power I have over almost anything that scares me, the power of a garden I once planted in my mind.

When I came home from the hospital I was terribly afraid, couldn't imagine what my life would be like not seeing very well and pushing a walker around and being dependent upon other people. First thing I did when I was able to work outside again was to buy a pack of delphiniums.  Never planted them, but keep them on a shelf as a reminder.  Held them in my hand in those early days when I didn't see so well, feeling the rough little hulls in my fingers and visualized the best delphinium garden that had ever been planted and relished the fact that it had been planted by efforts, my hopes, my dreams."

How synchronistic that I should happen to find a 109th chair, even though I thought I had only made 108 for the installation. I suppose this one was meant to be mine!

The Art of Sitting Still

As I gazed out the window, trying to "plan" the day, as I deal with a headache, I catch a glimpse of an eagle perched in a large evergreen tree. He sits so still and regal, as the gulls and other birds fly tumultuously around him. He remains undisturbed and still. The formations of geese are flying by, returning, as spring is upon us in a few days. Each day the buds are opening more fully on the cherry blossom tree, as if spring ahead has put them into fast forward mode. The birds have practically cleaned me out of suet, and the air is alive with birds. The crow, the flicker and the stellar jay have all been vying for a spot on the feeder, as they comically try to balance, knocking off their smaller feathered fellow birds, who are no competition for them. And the eagle remains still. I am not ready for the fast forward of spring yet. I still feel like I am trying to settle into the dark, quiet, yin time of winter. My exhibit was like a bulb being forced to blossom for spring too quickly, not a natural feeling. I still crave the darkness, the quiet. I rejoice, when I awaken to the rain and grey skies, whereas others celebrate sunlight, longer days and spring. I still need my personal winter. Ironic how the "Waiting" continues to be a reminder, there will always be the waiting. The eagle glances around, but remains steadfast on his branch. The wind is blowing and gusting and he remains undisturbed. Spring make me feel as if I have to be doing, rather than being. My clay awaits me in the studio, waiting to become. Today I feel sluggish and the creativity that flows through my hands, feels as if it is in need of hibernation mode today. Yet my head tells me I should "do", I should "make", I should move forward, get it done. The eagle still sits and subtly moves his head and glances around him, waiting. As the wind gusts, the reflections of the trees on the lake begin to ripple. What was once a mirror image of the trees, now becomes distorted. It looks like my vision feels to me. One eye remains crystal clear, while the other is rippled like the wind blown water. I worry that the work won't get done. I fear the eye surgery, that is less than a week away. I feel as if I don't sculpt today, it won't get completed. I want the sculpture to reflect the fearful vision I have right now, yet it seems to have a mind of it's own, not wanting to be molded into that vision. Who knows what it will be? Maybe the clay needs to sit a bit today and solidify. Yesterday, I had so much energy, and worked so fast that the clay began to cave in on itself. The clay is a good teacher, always has been, if I listen to it, like I am called to listen to the eagle. I glance down at my computer, and when I look up, the eagle is gone as quickly as it came. I never noticed it arriving or leaving. It remained still and waiting, until it instinctively knew when he needed to move forward. Another lesson from nature. It is all around me if I only listen. But I resist listening to the frenetic birds, the quickly blossoming trees. Sometimes you have to listen in to your own rhythm of nature, your own inner clock, and sometimes you have to look toward the stillness of the eagle to hear the message. My head pounds this morning, and it is distracting me from the work I feel I need to do, planned to do today. How can I not listen to the pain? The eagle did not get distracted from his rhythm by the swarming birds, but instead stayed steadfast in his stillness until it was time to move. That is what today is calling to me to do today, but can I listen?

So May It Begin Again

I read this while listening to Pat Metheny's "So May It Secretly Begin" from Still Life Talking and it all felt very synchronistic. Perhaps it is also because I am in the midst of reading the book, Embracing Coincidence: Transforming Your Life Through Synchronicity by Carol Lynn Pearson.

"Now and again, it is necessary to seclude yourself among deep mountains and hidden valleys to restore your link to the source of life. Breathe in and let yourself soar to the ends of the universe; breathe out and bring the cosmos back inside. Next, breathe up all fecundity and vibrancy of the earth. Finally, blend the breath of heaven and the breath of earth with your own, becoming the Breath of Life itself." ~ Morihei Ueshiba

It was such an amazing experience having my first solo exhibit, "Waiting". It was more than I could have ever imagined it would be. It will take me some time to digest it all and begin again. Hopefully the next two weeks will help me to immerse myself in the feelings of this intense roller coaster ride I just got off of, and integrate all that it has meant to me. The support through the "snowpening", the 2nd Thursday re-opening reception and then the closing artist's reception, made the work feel complete, and that it came full circle. Knowing that people wanted to not only come to experience my work, but for many of them, take home and be a continuing part of the installation of 108 chairs, made it that much richer for me. Now that most of the work has found a home with someone else or it's new living space in my home, I feel a need to quiet the chatter and energy, sink inward and then begin making new work. I have given myself permission to create space to create. I am beginning to envision my next sculpture which will deal with the upcoming retina surgery I will be having at the end of the month; the fears the hopefulness, the new "vision" so to speak, whatever that looks like. For now, I know my vision is literally and figuratively "cloudy and distorted", and I trust it will all change for the better. I have to surrender to the outcome, but envision it positively. Why not? So here I sit, grateful for the experience that "Waiting" brought, and now, waiting again, for the next chapter. I am incredibly grateful for this time to reflect and move forward. I have to deal with the fear that I will never be able to possibly have an exhibit quite as special and rich as "Waiting". It will be different, a new vision, but isn't each day, each experience, each sculpture? As it is said, "you never step into the same river twice", and so it goes....

"Waiting" Preview Video

This Poem and Drawing Couldn't Have Been Given To Me At A Better Time!

There is a good kind of waiting which trusts the agents of fermentation. There is a waiting which knows that in pulling away one can more wholly return. There is the waiting which prepares oneself, which anoints and adorns and makes oneself plump with readiness for love’s return. There is a good kind of waiting which doesn’t put oneself on hold but rather adds layers to the grandness of one’s being worthy. This sweet waiting for one’s fruits to ripen doesn’t stumble over itself to be the first to give but waits for the giving to issue at its own graceful pace. 2014 © Toko-pa Turner (www.toko-pa.com) | Illustration by T. Dylan Moore

The Promo Video for My Gallery 114 Exhibit "Waiting"!

"Waiting" Promo Video

Just a Few More Days Before I Create My First Solo Exhibit!!! The Excitement Builds..............

Oregon M.O.M., Mission of Mercy, Labor of Love

Once again, Michael and I had the privilege of being a part of MOM, helping to serve some of Portland's population, who are in great need of dental care. From 6am - 6pm we helped provide service to 1,000 people. What a labor of love.
 Thanksgiving always seems to always be a time of huge gratefulness, mixed in with some darkness for us, yet we emerge stronger for having pushed though it as a family. This year is no different. Two years ago I ironically dealt with the loss of my mom and was unable to participate in MOM. You go where you are needed. That held its sadness mixed with much richness.
 It felt so wonderful to be a part of this year's MOM event at the Convention Center, once again. It was fulfilling beyond fulfilling. For this I am grateful.

This year's recipe for Thanksgiving held some rough patches, some fears, some worries, some pain, some disappointments, some new beginnings, some successes, some great surprises, many joys, all mixed in with a lot of love. Sounds like the makings of a grateful Thanksgiving to me. And for this I am even more grateful.

http://www.kgw.com/video?id=233467241

Pain, Breaking Open, Releasing

It has been quite a while since I have written on my blog. Life wonderful wild challenging busy creating. I sit now struggling with a migraine that came the morning after dancing, with passion and fervor Tuesday night, to Mary Oliver's Blue Iris. I had been away from dance for a few weeks spending my amazing and unforgettable 60th birthday in Kauai, that was filled with never ending surprises, joy and richness beyond words, as my family one by one showed up to surprise me and celebrate and then arranging the ultimate surprise, renewing our wedding vows, with my beloved of almost 37 years, on my favorite beach, sun setting, with my loved ones surrounding us. It was the wedding celebration of a lifetime. I am beyond blessed. So here I sit, struggling through pain after pleasure, always questioning why. I ponder the poem that we danced. Mary Oliver's words are quite profound and moved me deeply. As I begin my 6th decade, there is so far to go, yet I have come so far. This poem gives me much to ponder, and even when the dancing and the pain have moved through me, I will still be lingering on these words of hers..... 

"Blue Iris"

Now that I'm free to be myself, who am I?

Can't fly, can't run and see how slowly I walk.

Well, I think, I can read books.

"What's that you're doing?"

the green-headed fly shouts as it buzzes past.

I close the book.

Well, I can write down words, like these, softly.

"What's that you're doing?" whispers the wind, pausing

in a heap just outside the window.

Give me a little time, I say back to its staring, silver face.

It doesn't happen all of a sudden, you know.

"Doesn't it?" says the wind, and breaks open, releasing

distillation of blue iris.

And my heart panics not to be, as I long to be,

the empty, waiting, pure, speechless receptacle.

~Mary Oliver~

"Doesn't it?" says the wind, and breaks open, releasing" was my line. It made me think of the palm trees surrounding me in Kauai, and the strong winds and rain that would blow through them each day for a brief time. They would bend, and dance with the wind, never losing site of the grounded rootedness, trusting that the wind and rain was temporary and they would stand tall and unscathed once again. It would pass and they had the wisdom to trust this. There were also skeleton-like trees that seemed unmoved by the wind and rain. It just passed through them by design. Someone once told me, that when faced with problems, challenges, questions....look to nature for the answers. I am trying to trust that the pain will blow over soon and that I will remain unscathed, although when it comes it seems as though it will last forever. When I feel good, I feel attached to it, and don't want it to end.  I will remain rooted. I will not let the winds of pain uproot me. I might feel like I am breaking, breaking down, breaking open, but maybe this is part of the releasing, the breaking through.  I must trust in this.

Process and Progress, Working Toward My February Solo Show

The Kiln Goddess Was On My Side!