Monday, June 21, 2010

Digesting Breitenbush 2010

I don't know why it has taken me so long to fully digest and embrace my experience at this year's Breitenbush-Imagination • Motion • Power--A Soul Motion Experience. For me, words usually come easily, but this dance experience was so powerful that it has been difficult for me to articulate it until now, a week later. 

When I first drove up the long gravel path into the woods, I felt the world begin to melt away. At our first gathering I felt..............I have arrived.............I am arriving....... simultaneous feelings. My fears begin to be assuaged. A friend reminds me "the dance remembers me" and that is comforting. Another friend reminds me " I am here to meet me". How blessed to feel a sense of belonging in my dance family. My intention for the weekend is "to be true to myself". Before the first gathering I skip on the labyrinth.

We gather. I dance, feeling the floor under my dance-shoed feet, but my feet need to connect with the ground on so many levels so I tear my shoes off. To return, to arrive, I dance, I sweat. I feel alive connected, grounded and home once again. The warm sweet sweat pours down my head, face, body. The dance builds and then when it comes to stillness, I stand tall and strong, rooted and tree-like, arms wide open and receptive to what is, what will be. As I reach upward toward the sky, eyes closed, a single cool droplet of ?? touches my cheek and seems to come from somewhere other than my body. I feel Jen's presence at that moment, in a surreal yet comforting way. Later in the hot natural springs I melt futher. We talk about remembering,  rememberance, Meshi shares the beautiful Lakota word for this, "wokiksuye". Then the Spanish phrase "lo siento", translating to, "I am sorry and I feel it".....I sleep deeply that night.

The next day down at the river is phenomenal. The river is running so fast, high and powerfully crashing over the rocks, it is frighteningly exhilerating. We meditate on the rocks, feeling the river, becoming the river, losing the boundary between self and river. Before returning, people begin to spontaneously and delicately plant picked daisies in my curly hair. The tenderness is overwhelming. I feel like a flower child and they confirm that I am. I blossom.....
We walk in meditation back to the dance space and begin to dance the river. It is incredible as the movement builds from the place of quiet rock like stillness, and crescendos till we all explode in the most amazingly powerful dance. I am exhausted and energized. The river is me, I am the river, the flow is always present, the river is a constant that is everchanging~~~~~~~~~~

I read what is written near the sacred soaking tub. 
The West seems to be the direction I am learning to honor. West~Fall~Introspection~Water~Evening~Life~Maturity.  
Fall is the season of harvest when all we have learned comes to fruition and ready to share. In the reflective gloss of sunset we look into ourselves with acceptance, gratitude and compassion. Introspection, the virtue of the West considers all we have gained and how we may share it with others. I return to the dance.

Can I move to and hear a slower rhythm of the music inside, even when the music is pumping, can I turn down the volume and hear the spaces between the notes? Can I listen to the pace of the music, the rhythm within? Can I witness more and move less and in doing so let my body engage more, listen more, give myself permission to sit this one out? My body and head ache. Can I listen to that. The music drives me and I can not resist it's powerful pull.

The next morning after the dance of visualizing the air beneath us, holding us up feeling alighted, and then the air on top weighing me down, all the emotions I have been holding well up and I begin to cry. The feeling of supporting and being supported, wanting to fix others and be fixed, the energy it takes to heal. It feels like almost too much to bear at this moment. I am exhausted. The community gathers again after the break with laughter, I am not yet prepared to join. I look outside at the trees and the blue sky and inside, to see the gifts the dance continues to bring to me and I allow the necessary tears. I sit listening to the river inside and the water splashes within and without and the tears run down my cheeks. Can I re-enter the dance of "the other" yet? I remember my intention to be true to myself, authentic in my dance. I step out and begin to witness the others in their incredible beauty as they dance with each other. There is a longing to be a part of it, yet such a richness and honor in witnessing them. My tears turn to tears of Joy not tears of burden. Seeing my favorite people move so effortlessly and absolutely stunningly together. The love, the listening the knowing of each others bodies, the sense of intimacy without losing a sense of self. My longing is heavy and deep. Suddenly the song begins to play and the lyrics I have spoken of before by Afro Celt begins to play, as if it is being sung for my benefit alone, like an offering, a welcoming.....
"When I’m traveling far from home
On the wide horizon
I can feel you’re still around
And the dream overtakes me
 Then I know, you’ll stay in this moment
We’ll go where it’s flowing
You’ll be what you want to be
Right here, with me
 When I’m out here on my own
And it all cuts through me
I see you’re safe alone
Ah, then it hits me
 And I know, you’re here in this moment
Right where it’s flowing
You are what you want to be
Right here, with me
 Stay in this moment
Go where it’s flowing
You are what you want to be
Right here, with me . . . with me . . . with me. . ."

....... and begins to fill that deep longing. The next dance begins and I ask to enter the circle knowing the time is now right for me. We take turns in small groups dancing our own personal dance, while witnessed by the others. I dance, I dance hard, I dance powerfully, I dance my dance, I dance my life, I feel free, I feel rich, I feel authentic and true to myself and truly a part of not apart from this beautiful dance community, my other family of belonging. 
I am so grateful..........

1 comment:

Dayna Collins said...

I've never been to Britenbush, but always wanted to go. Thanks for sharing your awesome experience.