Wednesday, December 29, 2010


Definition of BEHOLD

transitive verb
: to perceive through sight or apprehension : see
: to gaze upon : observe
intransitive verb
—used in the imperative especially to call attention
be·hold·er noun

Examples of BEHOLD

  1. Those who have beheld the beauty of the desert never forget it.
  2. beholds the immense complexity of life on earth>
How do I dance, how can I dance, how can I begin to begin again. When you feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you, and that your world, as you have known it has been forever changed? I did not know how to give myself permission to go to dance on Sunday. To have fun? How is that even a possibility?  I went.................It was incredible as I "danced my life" as it was in that moment, in that body, in the now. When we gathered before the dance, Winky presented us with the contemplation of the word "BEHOLD". Wow, how powerful that word resonated for me. She spoke about it in terms of being not a witness who is separate from the other dancers, but being a part of the whole as you notice the others with awareness. A part of, rather than a part from. As I danced my life, the pain, the anger, the fear I was feeling, and emotions that I could not and cannot yet name, I felt filled with a power that I had never experienced.  The emotions raged through every inch of my body as I danced, as though I were a whirling dervish. Dervish is said to literally mean "one who opens the doors". It was so cathartic and I felt alive.  As I danced my emotions, and my emotions danced me, the word BEHOLD kept resonating and transforming. I thought about how if I could just "BE" whether it be present, strong, available, open to receive, listen, help, care for, exist for the sake of existing for oneself or another; that there is a true purpose in this word, this work, "TO BE". By taking better care of myself, the quality of my available to the the others in my life is stronger and richer. By being able to "BE" I felt that I could better "HOLD" my loved ones in times of trouble and in times of joy. To truly be able to be present to whatever comes up in our lives. Last night I returned to dance, although again with a feeling of guilt and my Mary Oliver phrase was "know what matters". Yes! I danced that phrase and held it deep within my being, and contemplate on that now as well. 
I am now trying to reconcile my feelings about this shift in our world, and trying to come to terms with accepting that things are not always the way we wanted them to be, the way we planned and expected them to be. Life unfolds the way it unfolds, and we have to learn to dance that life. So how do I begin to do this? We put one foot in front of the other, we do life as we always have, even though things might now be different. I have to give myself and my loves permission to dance, to cry, to be angry, to be fearful and to laugh. Yes to laugh. So we went to see "The Big Lebowski" on the big screen at the old Clinton Theater and we laughed. We laughed hard. I laughed every time Lebowski said that "the rug tied the room together". And the movie went on even when they pulled the rug out from under him......................

1 comment:

Sparks of Spirit Glass said...

dancing your emotions and allowing your emotions to dance you.....very powerful!

so glad you could let "the dude" show you the rug!

I am holding you in my thoughts/prayers.

much love to you!!!